Journal Entry: Fri Feb 7, 2014, 7:21 PM
Or shall I say bad night?
I rushed my baby tonight to the vet. He was 13 years old... a siberian husky, I thought he would live until 30th November... which is is birthday. He didn't.
He was always so energetic, so happy, so full of life and the truth is, he was suffering. That kills me inside. He never complained, he never seemed in pain, actually he kept pushing me around to play with him while lifting his butt up and barking at me.
Tonight we rushed him to the vet. He was crying... I could tell he was in an excruciating pain. I felt so useless. His belly was getting bigger and bigger; "It might be gases"... I lied to myself all the way, even when I was staring at the x-rays. "It might be something... but he's my baby, he's strong... he'll be fine."
"He has anemia and a bit of a back problem but that isn't really the issue here... " The vet didn't know how to say it. We called her in the middle of the night for an emergency exam for Simba, my baby. "His stomach is twisting around, he's in pain... unfortunately it's a common problem with old big dogs... I could call other vets to come perform an emergency operation, but.. the chances are high that he'll die during it. He'll suffer a lot more if we proceed to the operation... and to be honest this operation has a low rate of success... not to mention the pain he'll have now, until we stabilize him, then after the operation, if he doesn't die, and then the recovery. His organs will be a bit damaged and this might happen again... he'll just keep suffering."
I promised myself when this day would come, that I wouldn't be selfish, I wouldn't think: I don't want him to die. But that I would think of him... what would he want? Of course everyone wants to live but... in that excruciating pain? No.
"He's so tired." She said while petting him. " I can't believe he lived this long with anemia and a back problem... and he even walked on his own to the room." Of course he did. He's my baby, no matter what, he's a strong boy, he always was. Now I wonder, if he was suffering much back then and we never noticed because he was always so cheerful and pushing us around and giving us kisses. I want to believe he wasn't in pain. I want to believe he was happy and I just hope he understood how much I love him and that he is and always will be a part of me.
God he was always there for me. We grew up together. When my mom yelled at me to release her frustrations about my dad I used to cry in my bedroom. I was a kid. He, has a puppy always sat beside me, leaning his nose on my arm to make me lift it and licked my face until I started giggling. He was my only friend back then. When kids bullied me I always ran home, I talked to him about them, I used to tell him: One day if they come here, you'll bite them for me yes? He just wagged his tail and teased me to play and everytime I played with him I felt so free, so happy. I could forget all my problems with him. Just like when I moved my hands and stretched my arms he knew I wanted a hug and he always walked to me.
So I promised we would be friends forever. I promised I would be there no matter what. I promised I would love him... always. I feel like he did more for me than I for him...
For now I'll stop talking about it, avoid all the pictures I have of him in my bedroom for at least 5 minutes to see if I stop crying XD Yeah it's been 3 hours, damn human body has a LOT of liquids ahah
You don't have to read this seriously... this was just me trying to open up and take some weight off my shoulders... don't know if it will work though..
Love you guys
Listening to: the wind and rain
Reading: my screen
Watching: Teen Wolf
Playing: DMC4/AC Revelations
Eating: american donut